Are you a fraud?

Why high achievers are most likely to feel like fakers and what to do about it.

“You should ask Noel, she’s our Amazon expert.” I immediately died a little inside. Nope, definitely not. Outwardly I laughed and said, “No one is really an expert…” cause god forbid someone thinks that I was crazy or foolish enough to think I was one of them (if they existed). Amazon is complicated, confusing, constantly changing, and evolving. How could anyone claim they were an expert? Who would be so bold? Even though I was asked to speak at conferences, teach others, and head up company initiatives I refused to be associated with the title ‘expert.’ I just wasn’t one. Right?

The trouble with knowing things is that the more you know, the more you realize you don’t know anything. But instead of assuming that there are zero experts, you just assume you’re not one of them. This seems counterintuitive — that the more subject expertise you have, the more insecure you can feel because you realize there is so much more to learn and it’s always changing.

“Insecurity is when you’re smart enough to know you don’t know anything, but you’re not smart enough to realize no one else does either.” — Tim Urban

This is why really smart people can suffer from self-doubt that is affectionately called Imposter Syndrome. Because you are driven, you push yourself and you end up in a position where you feel like a faker. You are often presenting to a group, teaching a topic, writing an article, giving your opinion…and you know what you’re saying is good. You know you’re not wrong and spent a lot of time (sometimes blood, sweat, and tears) ensuring that it’s 100% legit. But yet, something feels off.

But why do you feel like this? The odds are you’re a high achieving woman, have a fear of failure, are a perfectionist, or a double whammy of all of the above (it happens). The friction happens because you have an inability to internalize your accomplishments. This creates a fear that you may be exposed as a fraud.

If you don’t get a grip on this fast it can spiral into the guilt of feeling unworthy to eventually feeling the shame of being unworthy or not belonging.

News Flash: You deserve it, you worked for it, and you earned it. Accept it.

What does someone with Imposter Syndrome behave like? Usually, they are overly humble, turn down opportunities, belittle their own points (even saying sorry before speaking up), or just generally seem super unconfident. What’s crazy is that they could know a ton about the subject and have completely valid experiences, but they feel like a fraud. Surely someone else has had better, more valid, experiences that makes them better qualified to respond, present, consult, etc.

How others perceive you is reality. Perception > reality.

What not to do — “fake it till you make it.” I genuinely hate this phrase. Why are you faking anything? You worked hard, you know your stuff, you got this — you don’t need to fake it. No one likes that guy. Faking it will only make you feel more like an imposter.

So how do you go from feeling like a faker to feeling like a contributor? Try following these steps. It probably won’t work the first time or the first 10 times, but eventually, you’ll improve — that’s also true for any new skills you’re learning for the first time. Give yourself permission to suck. You’ll get there.

Examples are from an actual student that loves robotics and asked me for advice.

1. What value (unique > common) can you offer? Throw on some blinders and forget about everyone else that knows more, has done this longer, or is smarter than you. What do you bring to the table? Is it a perspective? Is it a specific situation? Is it your enthusiasm and passion? Is it relatability to your audience?

If you can produce content/products that add value, you will become an expert in that field.

Who do you add value for? Maybe it’s talking to a more junior audience or an audience with a similar perspective (how to break down finance for first-time business owners). There is a group that would like to hear your opinion because they relate to the way you explain things or your unique perspective. Find your people and meet them where they are. They’ll appreciate it.

How do you add value? Let’s get down to the delivery. What are you most comfortable doing (at first)? Would you prefer to write a medium article, present on the topic, create a video, lead a discussion, sit on a panel, or communicate in another way? Do you like to use drawings, data, jokes, screenshots, etc. to communicate your knowledge? If you don’t have a preference or want to flex your adaptability muscles, then meet your audience where they’re at. How would they like this info? What will keep them engaged with your content?

Advice to Student: Since you love robotics, how can you share your passion with others? Why do you think robotics is so great? What did you build that was fun for you? How you can explain robotics to others who may know little about the topic?

Goals: Share your passion (and maybe convert your audience to think its cool) and teach them something new (they walk away knowing more than they did before). The more fun you have providing value, the better it will be! I’ve listened to a podcast about concrete that was crazy cool and interesting because the host was super into it. Passion and enthusiasm is contagious.

What not to do: Pretending to be the expert on everything robotics or giving a half ass presentation because you’ve only been studying robotics for a few months. Detracting value is a big unwow.

2. Understand scope and context. What is the actual expectation others are placing on you? What expectations are you placing on yourself? Scope is how much work and how long it takes to achieve a goal, status, prestige, etc. You will need to take scope into account when setting your expectations for yourself. What do you need to achieve high standards in a particular domain area? First, you have to be able to recognize what good looks like in that domain. Second, you must have realistic expectations for how hard it should be (how much work it will take) to achieve that result. Even if you have a ton of experience, most people don’t expect you to understand every possible scenario.

What is the context of the work? Are you accrediting a group of people? What is the worst-case scenario for what could go wrong if you misrepresent yourself or the content? Reality check time. Can you help others to accomplish their goals, get them to where they want to be, and positively add value? Great — glad it’s you. If there is a chance that you could detract value or even hurt someone, then stop. You’re not a fraud — you’re just not ready yet.

Advice to Student: You’ve been researching this topic for a few months and have created a couple cool things. You’re presenting to your peers and they know you’ve been learning this for limited time. No one expects you to share anything other than what you’ve learned or done yourself — and that stuff is pretty cool. What did you learn? How long did it take? Can anyone do it? Where can someone get started?

Sometomes it helps to communicate scope and call it out to the audience. “I’m a 14 year old who is passionate about exploring the connection between robotics and machine learning to help address inefficiencies in manufacturing. Four months ago, I knew nothing about robotics.” Whelp, you sure took the wind out of their judgey sails.

What not to do: Assuming everything! Assuming they expect you to understand a lifetime’s worth of work. Assuming they expect you to have built the most complicated robot on earth. There is no need to assume. Ask for clarity around expectations.

3. Reframe this as an opportunity. You get to share your passion for a subject. You get to help people increase their sales. You get to meet new people and connect on a topic you love. You get to help people learn and grow.

Those nerves you feel are just excitement. You get a chance to level up and that means you’re growing. Woohoooo!!!

Advice to Student: How cool is it that you get to show others what you’ve been learning and maybe influence them to look into robotics? You get to use this topic to practice your writing and presentation skills. You get to find out who else is #teamrobotics with you (cause they’ll probably seek you out after or follow you). You get content that helps connect you with legit people in the field that want to help students.

What not to do: You have to do this and it’s going to be awful (newsflash: if you create awful content that’s on you. Don’t create garbage you wouldn’t want to read, listen to, or attend).

4. Honesty when you just don’t know. I actually feel far more confident in an ‘expert’ when they can say, “I don’t know.” Remember, the more you know, the more you realize you don’t know everything! I love when people ask me really hard and interesting questions because 1) it means they’re paying attention and engaged 2) if I don’t know I now have a reason to follow up with them in a completely organic way and we can continue the conversation and hopefully build a relationship. People that ask good questions are my type of people.

Not knowing / new eyes can be your biggest advantage. A lot of industries have been changed by outsiders because they question everything (“why do we do it this way?”). Innovation takes people who aren’t ok with the status quo and ask a crazy amount of questions. Industry insiders and big businesses are often taught to accept their industry constraints as is. See? Look at you being all divergent.

Advice to Student: Be ok with not knowing. You’ve done a few months’ worth of work, create a couple things, practiced in a few conditions and settings (not all), and learned what you could with the resources you had. It would be weird if you knew everything there was to know about something broad this fast. Produce as much content as you can and get lots of feedback — this is the best way to figure out what you don’t know and how to articulate what you do know better.

Someone may ask you something you don’t know and that’s great! Tell them you don’t know, but would like to look into it later and get back to them. Don’t forget to get their contact info.

What not to do: Pretend or fake it. Don’t make it up. If you make something up, then the audience may know and it will discredit you entirely — thereby giving the impression you are an imposter. This the whole things we’ve been trying to avoid.

5. Authenticity is appealing. Just be you. This is your biggest advantage to becoming an expert (or finally feeling like one). Don’t pretend to be like other experts or put on a show for what you think people expect. Be you. Remember, you’re an expert when you contribute your unique value to the field.

This is the hardest thing to do because it takes time to get a feel for how you do things. Not how school told you to do things or how your parents expected you to. But how you do it.

Some of you will be funny, some will be creative, and others will be able to immediately emotionally connect.

In the meantime try out different styles and pay attention to what you’re most drawn to. When does the work feel most natural and when do you feel most comfortable? Your authentic work will also make you the proudest over time (and less cringe-worthy — why did I do/say/write that?!).

Advice to Student: Let’s work on an outline for your end product (article, blog, video, presentation, panel) — why do you think this is cool? What is your unique perspective on this topic? What do you want the audience to do/think as a result?

What not to do: Imagine how your favorite expert would do it and copy them. Memorize what they would say and how they would act or even dress, then try to be them.

Eventually one day after lots of years of practice you will be able to embrace the uncomfortable nature of being a contributor to society. And I’m told that eventually you just may consider yourself an expert.

Regarding conversations with students: I get the privilege of helping, coaching, and mentoring some of our future innovators, thought leaders, and CEOs and through this small window into their world I get to offer them up alternate ways of seeing things. Because they’re driven, they’re running into real-world issues and problems as teenagers. Sure, they may have typical teenage problems, but they also have super common adult problems too, like self-doubt, uncomfortable work situations, and more. This is the advice I’ve given to them. Maybe it can help other people too.